How to Have Sex with Your Friend & Make Sure Things Don’t Get Weird
Is it possible to learn how to have sex with your friend without the entire friendship being affected for the worst? You’re on dangerous ground!
Understanding how to have sex with your friend without it getting weird really comes down to how close you are in the first place, and whether you have any intentions of it becoming anything more.
Sex is a weird thing, but so is friendship. Can the two ever go together without causing irreparable damage?
Honestly? Sometimes yes, but most of the time, no.
How likely are you to develop romantic feelings? You might think it won’t happen, but I promise you, when sex comes into the equation, romantic feelings have a habit of being not too far behind in many cases. Also, what page is your friend on? Do they feel the same? Do they have any unearthed feelings you might not know about?
[Read: 16 hush-hush signs your friend wants to sleep with you]
As you can see, you’re about to enter dangerous territory. You should know where you both are before you even consider seriously moving ahead with this. Not every sexual liaison between friends ends happily. Sure, some do.
Some even end up getting married while others put their encounter down to experience and something fun to look back on in years to come. For the most part however, sex between friends doesn’t often end well. [Read: Friend to lover – What you really need to know]
How to have sex with your friend and remain friends? Don’t do it lightly
I wouldn’t advise it. Sure, you can go ahead and ignore my thoughts if you want, but I’ve seen this happen time and time again. If you’re good friends, ask yourself whether it’s worth ruining it just for a night of fun. Because, that’s all it will be unless you want to take this to the next level and your friend feels exactly the same way too.
You have to understand the difference between two different types of feelings to navigate this situation without disaster: platonic feelings and romantic ones. If you have any romantic inclinations towards your friend, perhaps you used to before you became friends and you managed to bury them deep, then the chances of sex bringing those feelings back are quite high. [Read: The 14 pros and cons of being sex buddies with a friend]
Platonic feelings are between friends, i.e. there is no romantic inclination at all and you have no problems when your friend meets a partner. If that’s the case, there is a chance you COULD navigate the water of how to have sex with your friend without totally ruining the bond you have, but even then, you’re skating on thin ice.
Nobody has any clue what sex is going to do to your friendship until the deed is done. You might think you know, but sex can bring a maelstrom of feelings to the fore, ones which you might not even be aware that you have right now.
How will you deal with those afterwards? Will you be able to look at your friend in the same way ever again? How will you feel when they meet a new partner and move on? Will you be jealous? [Read: How does being friends with benefits really work out?]
When you’ve slept with someone even once, the chances of feeling a certain amount of protectiveness over that person is high. Sure, you have no reason to feel that way and no right to, because they’re free to do whatever they want, but will you be able to overcome how you feel and continue the friendship?
Friendships are precious
A true friendship is a precious thing. You shouldn’t even consider playing around with it. That’s my take on this situation. Figuring out how to have sex with your friend without it ruining the relationship really comes down to the two of you not being that close in the first place. [Read: How to handle sexual tension between friends like a platonic pro]
The reason? Because when it all becomes messy, you can’t look each other in the eye for a few weeks afterwards. And if you two aren’t good friend, it doesn’t matter as much, does it?
Now, please feel free to prove me wrong. I would love to learn stories of friends who have successfully navigated these murky waters and come out the other side closer and more solid than before. I’d even love to hear stories of friends who had one great night, only for it to make them both realize their love for one another. I’m a big fan of Monica and Chandler!
You see, I have first hand experience. A close friend of mind decided to do the deed with one of her other friends. They weren’t super close, but they were close enough. After that night, their contact dwindled, and they no longer speak. There was no major fall out, no huge confession of buried feelings and no harsh words spoken. They simply couldn’t look each other in the eye after seeing the other one naked! [Read: How to make up your mind before having sex with a best friend]
Apparently, the morning after was a total awkward-fest. My friend didn’t sleep with anyone else for a good while afterwards because of the memory.
I’m not suggesting that’s going to happen to you, but let’s be honest… it’s possible. Sex is complicated enough. What are you going to do if something untoward happens? I mean, we can all be as safe as we can be, but accidents happen sometimes.
Do you really want end up being the parent to a child neither of you planned? Of course, if you choose to do it, be safe. I mean, really, really safe. That should go without saying. [Read: How to end a friend’s with benefits relationship and stay friends]
Consider your future feelings
How will you feel in the future when your friend dates other people? Will it cause you to feel that jealousy I mentioned earlier? Jealousy has a habit of wreaking havoc on relationships and friendships, ruining them and causing an air of darkness. It’s really hard to come back from that.
To me, friendship is worth far more than a night of passion. If that’s what you really want, choose someone you’re not that close to. Someone who you’re able to shrug your shoulders and move on from if it doesn’t work out. Understanding how to have sex with your friend is packed with so many potential problems that it’s enough to make your head spin. [Read: Sleeping with a friend – A no-regrets guide to doing it right]
Of course, the best case scenario is that you both feel a little weird afterwards. You’ve seen each other naked. Can you look at them again and not have flashbacks of the night you shared, whether it was amazing for all the right reasons or terrible for awkward reasons you’d rather not recall?
You might think I have a total downer on this idea, and to be honest, I do. Friendships are hard enough. When you add nakedness and orgasms into the mix, the whole thing can easily become a situation that makes you cringe at the memory, and not something to make you smile. [Read: How to stay friends after having sex with a friend]
You’re supposed to be relaxed and happy around your friends. How can you be that if you’re trying your best not to remember that awkward sound one of you made in the middle of it, or the embarrassing sex face your friend seems to have?
There are some things in a friendship you really can’t come back from!
[Read: 14 rules for sleeping with friends you should never overlook if you decide to sleep with them]
Learning how to have sex with your friend is an art form. It involves the ability to completely separate your feelings, and, if possible, turn them off completely.
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